Saturday, March 3, 2007

Kayaking the Unconscious

In dreams and fantasies the sea or a large expanse of water signifies the Unconscious….The sea is the favorite symbol for the Unconscious, the mother of all that lives.
Man's task is to become conscious of the contents
that press upward from the Unconscious.

C.J. Jung

My favorite activity in my youth was kayak surfing in the ocean. Being carried away by a wave is a wonderful feeling, an ecstatic letting go, a merging with the world.

After the heart attack, I was (metaphorically) kayak surfing in much bigger water. I was being overwhelmed by unconscious forces; I was in conditions way over my head. I felt I could be crushed at anytime, thrown into chaos, drowned.

The one time I kayaked in huge waves, I was scared to death. While my mind was racing with fear, my body instinctively kept the kayak stable and brought me safely home. It became a matter of trusting my instincts.

After the heart attack, I cried almost every day for months, caught in waves of despair, caught in overwhelming feelings of grief and loss. I somehow trusted that if I let my feelings be, let them into consciousness, that they would eventually right themselves.

are still waves of emotions I have to ride, but they are usually not larger than the boat. .

My Zimbio
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